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Journal Entry: Wed Feb 13, 2008, 12:19 AM


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<3
F E A T U R E D
D E V I A T I O N S
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It's a good thing to go through heartache at one point or not just even a single, in your lifetime. Not the petty, childhood heartache, but the horrible kind we've experienced. But see when you get to the healing part of this you will have so much love to share with someone. You will be able appreciate someone in ways even you cannot understand. You will be so much stronger than you were before. I know how much this sucks right now and I know it seems so unfair, but when it's all said and done with, this will all make sense. All this pain you are going through at this moment will eventually teach you some of the greatest lessons in life you will ever need to learn.



*Ex-po-zure =sunsets *night-shots *TheOutdoorziez


27 Comments
  • Mood: Emotional
  • Listening to: Let Me Love You Down - INOJ

иногда

Journal Entry: Sun Feb 10, 2008, 6:08 PM
  • Mood: Lonely
  • Listening to: Whatever It Takes
Sometimes it doesn’t help to close your eyes because your mind takes over, and you cannot trust it to come up with the best thoughts.



The next time you punch the wall remember that you are strong not because it’s what people think of you, but that you are strong because it’s what you make of yourself.



Sometimes you just have to stop thinking of tears as your bail out of misery. Sometimes it’s the crying that make you weak.



And there are those special sometimes when being sad is no longer an option; there is no more room for another breakdown. Sometimes you just have to fake a smile and force the feel-good songs into your head. Sometimes you just have to scour the world for reasons to be happy, even if it take you a lifetime to find one.

3 Comments

HERE I GO AGAIN ;(

Journal Entry: Sat Feb 9, 2008, 11:48 PM
  • Mood: Hopeless
Apologetic for everything (no attempt to enumerate);



Like I want to sing all night. Just this afternoon I felt like dancing, but I changed my mind. Singing maximizes expression more than dance does. Am I making sense?;



Like I've just asked a question twice already. Feels weird for someone as creative as me. Sign of old age, perhaps;



Happy to some extent, and then



Sad to some degree. Which one is which one minute to another, I have no idea;



Like melting;



Like fainting;



Dizzy. Or is it



Sleepy?;



Stupid. How many times a day do I have to feel this way? I feel so stupid and it feels



Bad because the song says the sun doesn’t shine without you. Am I making sense? I know I'm not, darn it, I'm exerting effort here. But if only, if only I were not this stupid and if the situation were not this bad, then maybe --- just maybe --- there might be a way I can come up to your side. Do you know any other feeling more rotten than not being liked by the person you so like? It's the feeling when you are



Rejected. It does not feel good, does not make you fine, drives you crazy, can make you do things you know you would not do under normal circumstances. I hate this song (More Than Words) because hello, it does not take more than a hint to get the message through, does not even require an act. A hint is enough. A show of dislike, a preference to distance. A hint. Can you believe how much this can do?;



Pained, which I hate the most for reasons quite obvious. If you take a look at the history of human life, the existence of man has always centered around escaping pain: trying to get around it, avoid it, wade it off, heal its scars, even make it for others to go around, avoid, wade off, heal. And while all of these are going on, I am hopelessly caught in between. Pain. What a word. Means a lot.


So pathetic already. What makes one feel so pathetic is the thought of being one. I think I am pathetic, therefore I am. Am I making sense? I heard soliloquy isn't as good as they say. I'm so pathetic;



Like I'm wasting effort. All the effort I pour into being this emo should be enough to finally be honest with everything, right?

2 Comments

I <3 YOU

Journal Entry: Fri Feb 8, 2008, 6:33 PM
  • Mood: Sentimental
  • Listening to: Realize


I love you today. Not that that ever changes, but I think it’s worth telling you over and over: I love you today; everyday.



I love you today though I did not see you. I love you in such absence, because you make me long for that meeting when I get to be with you again.



I love you today, for reasons quite obvious.



I love you today while I was in the library, in the washroom, eating lunch, walking to class. I love you today more than what I can remember.



I love you today for the most modest yet most complicated of reasons.



I love you today, I love you today, and this I will say again tomorrow the same way I said it yesterday: I love you today, I love you, I love you. I know you can hear me. You can stop pretending I don’t exist, because I do. and I happen to love you.

5 Comments

KASALANAN MO!

Journal Entry: Wed Feb 6, 2008, 2:52 AM
  • Mood: I'm Ignoring You
  • Listening to: Waiting On The World To Change - John Mayer


I regret having to be too strong, because it makes me more vulnerable to weaknesses.



I regret having to make people believe I can handle things I know are out of my reach and that are beyond me.



I regret having to lie about how I really am and how I really feel, because I am not feeling well just like everyone else. I regret having to shoulder so much issues of others thinking I could take them all. I cant. I have issues o f my own and I cant solve them. I regret having to be too strong, because it makes me more vulnerable to weaknesses.



I regret having to cultivate relationships I know I couldn’t keep. I regret having to establish relationships I knew I was going to derive more problems from.



I regret having to consult with other people for advice when I know they couldn’t fully grasp everything there is to my issues.



I regret having to be this way. I say it a lot, that if given the chance to live my life again I wont change a thing and that I would still commit the same mistakes, but I only say that because I don’t want to look like a loser. deep within I am dying to change. I am seeking for that way out of these incredibly unsolvable dilemmas I managed to get myself into.



I regret having to tell all those people I don’t really love that I loved them, because none of those were true. I regret having to make them believe I mean what I said. I regret having to meet these people.



I regret having to engage myself in activities that cost my self dignity and the way I look at myself. I regret to all those times I spent caring only about the momentary fleeting emotions and pleasures. I regret having to lie to myself. I regret having to be too strong, because it makes me more vulnerable to weaknesses.



I regret having to be so stupid and idiotic at innumerable times.



I regret having to change so late. I regret having to stay away from people I truly love, when I was given the chance to be close.



I regret having to hesitate admitting that I actually have a problem with myself.



I cant be that strong as to stand by my every action, and I regret that I cant. I am weak. I blame you. you turned me into this weak person I know I am not.

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